I have been trying to write this blog for the past hour and I cannot seem to find the right words… So instead I feel lead to type out my journal entry from Tuesday afternoon. I wrote it while sitting in a coffee shop after having felt directed to end my season the day before. It’s personal and it may not make complete sense because when journaling I just write; I don’t edit, I don’t filter. For whatever reason I feel like this is what I am supposed to share today and I hope by doing so God will use the questions and emotions I was processing to bring you closer to Himself.
“The season ends. That’s what it is, a season. There is more to come, another chapter to unfold. As I look back on the season it is remembered for more trial, struggle, and what felt like pushing through walls than walking on paths laid out before me. Did I loose sight of God? Did I forget to ask Him the way? There were successes, but few and far between. Too many meets felt alone. Confidence in most situations was lacking. So where is my confidence found? Something sits unsettled as I remember the season. God, I felt out of Your will for a big portion of things. How do I get back to it? What is it? Am I able to discern Your voice and when will You speak again? You feel silent.
Create patience in me to wait on You. And give me Your peace as I wait for answers. Maybe the unsettled feelings come from not knowing what questions are even present in my heart. What are you accomplishing? And is it already done? What is the balance in life between having fun and being serious? I hate justifying my actions in a worldly manner and by worldly success. It causes and unsettled feeling when I am asked about nationals or about the olympics. I want to train. I want to compete. I want to share the gospel and bring others into relationship with Jesus by the way I live and love them. It’s simple. How do I best do that? How do I live responsibly in this world while answering to a higher authority? God, use my doubts and fears to draw me closer to Yourself. Teach me to hear You. To obey You. To wait on You! Patience with the process and trust in the timing of Your answers.
“And in Your book they were all written, the days fashioned for me.” Psalm 139
Can I trust that and how do I live that truth through and through?
As I look forward I look to Your provision. Guide me to take the steps forward in providing income for what You’ve called of me. A worker is worthy of his wages. Provide the work and I will do it. Open my eyes to opportunities for income and wisdom to take them.
My mission statement in life: “To use my giftings and talents to being others into relationship with Jesus”. If that is my purpose and goal what steps need to be taken to achieve it? Bringing others into relationship with God and exampling to them to follow wherever He leads was my goal before I ever started the journey of pole vault, SOAR, etc. See Opportunity And Respond. You cannot SOAR unless you have an end goal (a mission statement), otherwise you just become a wanderer, unsure of which opportunities need taking or even what constitutes an opportunity. I lost sight of my goal, and forgot how to SOAR. Lord, forgive me. Wash me clean and help me refocus. Allow me grace to continue on.”
God is so good and so faithful to teach us and guide us, to comfort us and transform us. I pray that whatever season of life you find yourself in, you will take a few moments to thank Jesus for the life He has given you, and ask Him what He desires from you in the days to follow. He is the author and perfecter of our faith. Let go of trying to write out your own story and ask God what story He has written for you…