Letting go of control…
Easier said than done. More freeing than anything you can imagine.
The past few weeks (and also the end of summer) has been a huge struggle for me emotionally and mentally. For some unknown reason I fell out of my groove and have been struggling to find my way back ever since. While other areas of training have been going well, the actual taking off the ground not so much. And I ask you… what fun is it when you work your tail off, training day in and day out, if you can’t fly through the air upside down??
It has been a very humbling few months though. First, because vault came so quickly and somewhat naturally to me in the first season, it was weird that all of a sudden it was like someone flipped a switch and the lights went out. Didn’t make sense to me. I wanted so badly to fix it, but I didn’t know how… I am just a beginner.
Second, because pridefully I didn’t want to admit to myself or to anyone else that I was struggling with the thoughts that I would never get off the ground again. I knew rationally it was a crazy thought, but when a cycle continues for more than just a few practices, rationality seems to walk right out the door.
But my coach, a good friend, and another wiser/much more experienced vaulter than I, have all spoken some good truth to me in the past week. They reminded me why I got into vaulting in the first place. It was to have fun. It was to glorify God with the talents He has given me. And it was to learn more about Him throughout the process. I lost focus of those things, and started to doubt. Doubt and fear are the silent killers that lurk in the darkness. But when brought to light they hold no power. Admitting your fears and saying your doubts out loud, help take away any stronghold they have set up in your mind. It allows you to start to believe once again.
They also reminded me of where success is measured. Not in performance off the ground, but in speaking and sharing with others the incredible journey God has laid out for each and every one of us… including myself. This struggle is a part of my journey. I am and will be a better vaulter and stronger person because of it.
Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
This verse comes from Romans and Paul is talking to a persecuted church about suffering for their faith. And while I am not suffering for my faith in God… I have been suffering in confidence. The principle God promised to Paul and these believers holds true in whatever trial, test, or suffering we are going through. Though the process is not always pleasant I look forward to the promise of perseverance, character, and hope.
And to end on a really great note: I took of the ground today. Multiple times! Tiny pole and super short run… but hey, baby steps!!